If you thought you had a couple of good stories, I’m about to put you up on something.
CKCO is reporting that at Sunnyside Home in Kitchener, a nursing home at which my stepdad was once a patient, an 85 year old woman is being charged with sexual assault on an 81 year old man. The victim has since died, but it is unknown whether his death was caused by the assault. She underwent a psychiatric evaluation and was actually deemed not insane. Every time my mother goes to the nursing home he is in now (which will remain nameless) she tells me about a few crazy characters including a sex crazed elderly woman. I laughed at her, but now I take it back!
CTV reports a dead body found in Columbia Lake at the University of Waterloo. If you don’t know me or really aren’t paying attention, that’s where I go to school. The guy fished there a lot apparently (there’s fish in that shit?). I guess he just fell in? Unfortunate. And still weird.
Brantford is once again being shot, but this time it’s not for a horror movie based on a video game. Caps were busted into a car on Aberdeen Ave., and five hours later, more caps were unloaded into a house on Superior St. and a van on Strathcona Ave. Police say nobody was injured. I’m thankful for that.
Now for something even less believable than all of the above: the Jays beat the Twins in extra innings tonight. The hero was John McDonald, who doubled in the winning run.
Other than the Jays win, this is pretty damn depressing. Want to cheer up? Eat a dick! No, I’m serious, it’s a video of a journalist in Beijing eating animal dongs. Don’t worry, it’s not X rated or anything, it’s 100% culinary. Thanks, Ooosh.