Sorry for the lack of updates, if anyone is actually reading this piece of crap. I have been really busy recently, and my internet connection has been about as reliable as Scott Rolen’s shoulder.
The radio is really loud right now. Apparently, Ben Affleck, Charlize Theron, Viggo Mortensen, and Jennifer Lopez are some of the celebrities attending this year’s Democratic National Convention. That’s quite a coincidence, because Ben Affleck, Charlize Theron, Viggo Mortensen, and Jennifer Lopez are also some of the celebrities that I don’t give a shit about.
Some other genius advice the news has for parents of teens: don’t be a helicopter. My parents need to follow that advice. The spinning shit on their heads is really making me dizzy.
I think I have some advice for news people: stop giving me your opinions. I know you’re a talking head for the company that owns you and I didn’t ask for your advice. How would they like it if I gave them advice on how to be better news people? I think I will anyway. I wish that news anchors would smile a bit more. They’re always so intense and stoic, which gives you the impression that they’re just reporting rather than offering you a biased bullshit opinion. A break in the action would just be wonderful. Even the addition of a humourous word would go a long way. Just imagine hearing this story:
“Toronto was rocked by record heat this weekend, as the temperature climbed up to 42 degrees Celsius and air quality levels were at a record low.”
Now, add an out of place word in there and it completely changes the experience.
“Toronto was rocked by record heat this weekend, as the temperature climbed up to 42 degrees Celsius and air quality levels were at a record low. Balls.”
See how much more fun that is? It’s a shame that this new strategy is not more popular. It is also a shame that my computer mouse chews through batteries like actual mice chew through live electrical wires. Who keeps stealing all my batteries? Balls.